You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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