We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
