she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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