Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
