He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
