And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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