Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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