No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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