Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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