I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
