Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
