I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
