I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
