so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dignity is for republicans.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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