he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
