just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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