oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
