You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
