The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
