He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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