Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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