Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
