Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
