How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
