Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
