also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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