I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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