I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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