So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
