Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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