Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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