I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Less talking, more tequila
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
