from now on my penis is your penis
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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