I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
