Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
