I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
