I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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