I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I could fuck to npr.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
