I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
