you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
