YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
