Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he fucked my hip out of place.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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