I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
