wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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