4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize