Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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