I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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