He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
