so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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