For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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