Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Randomize
