I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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