So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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