I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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