party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
