Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
