I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
whose ass print is on the piano?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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