How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
