sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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